Adult Field Trips

When you were a student, field trips were both a blessing and a curse: Sure, you'd get to escape the classroom, but you'd also have to transplant yourself to a place that was often more mind-numbing than reciting your multiplication tables, like learning how maple syrup is made or going to a state history museum. Someday I'll take my own field trips, you told yourself, as the man joylessly explained the proper way to tap a tree for sap. You probably promised yourself field trips to the theme park or candy store, but now that you're an adult there are options that span every naughty desire or taboo under the sun--and they can still be considered "educational." Whether it involves the sexy, the unhealthy, or just the downright bizarre, Where I've Been wants to find more fun ways for you to learn.

Paris Museum of Erotica (Musee Erotisme) - Paris, France

The line between art and pornography is usually drawn by this phrase: "I know it when I see it." This century, though, yesterday's taboos have become tomorrow's advertisements and what was your corner sex shop might now be regarded as educational and artistic in its execution. But it'd still be pretty unfair to call the Paris Museum of Erotica just some glorified sex shop--few areas know the art of eroticism like Paris, the land of the Moulin Rouge, and the owners of the museum have taken great care to create something that appeals to the mind as much as it might to the gonads. Stumble upon the first exhibits of ancient Japanese phallic sandals, the Aztec fertility idols and Chinese ceramic pornographic sculpture and you'll probably be thankful for modern technological advances. But it doesn't stop with Stone-Age love-makin'--there are multiple levels at the museum, some shining a light on the underground brothels and bordellos frequented by the politicians and stars of old until they were officially illegal in France in 1946, and an immeasurable amount of other paintings, photos and artifacts of all kinds and time periods. So you're convinced this could be a cool place, but you're worried about being seen as a creep? Relax--the museum, while situated in a somewhat seedy district, attracts non-perverted people of all ages and backgrounds, and they're all willing to forget social norms to explore what drives this powerful part of the id. So you can keep the mustache and glasses in the closet.

Museum of Bad Art - Massachusetts

When you're 10 years old it's hard to be forced to appreciate art if it isn't in comics, so to be whisked away to a fancy building to watch a guy in a beret stare at a portrait of a bowl of fruit probably makes a whole lot of kids hate art. But now that you're older and carry more refined, specific tastes in painting and sculpture, it's more important than ever to have a reference point--you can't appreciate the top without experiencing the bottom first, right? Now we have a reference point: The Museum of Bad Art, started out of a New England basement in 1994, has snowballed in popularity thanks to its Internet presence, now expanding to two smaller locations--the Dedham Community Theatre in Dedham, Mass., and the Somerville Gallery in Somerville, Mass. The legend begins with "Lucy In The Field With Flowers," a canvas salvaged from a dumpster that features a colorful flower bed and a frolicking old woman, straight from your local bridge club, collecting white blossoms without any hint of joy. It's become the cornerstone for a collection of pieces that are often so unconscionably bad it's a wonder they were given time and energy. MOBA takes the seriousness of the art world--that over-analytical guy in the beret--and beats it into laugh-riotous submission.

The Heart of Iowa Wine Trail - Iowa

Take it from the Music Man: You really ought to give Iowa a try. But had the Music Man lived to this century, he might have endorsed the Midwestern farming state for not only being a fine place to purchase band equipment but as the most overlooked region to buy a fine bottle of wine. Recent past has been kind to agriculturally-minded families in Iowa, as the introduction of the "cold-climate grape" has seen the amount of local wineries grow from a mere baker's dozen in 2000 to an impressive 80 in 2009, making it a must-see destination for the connoisseurs bored by the same old tastes. From "sweet dessert wines to fruit wines to dry crisp whites and full-bodied reds," the area's wine tourism is fledgling but exciting--check out the Heart of Iowa Wine Trail, which offers a $25 unlimited "passport" to some of the more established vineyards in the area. There's education to be found here for the more thoughtful drinkers--each proprietor will be certainly willing to explain the intricate fermentation and distribution processes--but if you make a weekend trip of the Wine Trail, you're also certain to get a belly's full of fine wine at bargain-basement prices.

Hot Cookie - San Francisco, CA

You probably couldn't derive any educational value from a field trip to Hot Cookie at all if you tried. But isn't that the beauty of being an adult? After a stressful day of what-have-you, whether it's work or sightseeing or nothing at all, you have the inalienable right and willpower to buy a cookie shaped like a naked female figure or a giant black penis. And at San Francisco's Hot Cookie you can exercise that right to its fullest extent--quickly and affordably, the way it was intended. Walk around in the surrounding neighborhood and look for the red underpants in the front store display with "HOT COOKIE" emblazoned in white on the back, step in and indulge--whether you're looking to have fun with shapes or stick to standards, Hot Cookie is simply one of the best bakers of the treat around, employing a unique blend of ingredients to give their cookies character--no gimmicks necessary.