Strange Love: Weird Romantic Getaways Across The Globe

(source: Flickr)

If we've learned anything from Bonnie and Clyde or the annual Kate Hudson romantic vehicle, love makes people do funny, inexplicable things. But some types of love isn't fit for mainstream audiences. To loosely quote the immortal Meat Loaf: "I would do anything for love... but I won't do that." Today, as you're surely aware, Meat Loaf's vague idea of "that" can be more readily obtained than one ever might have imagined -- all the evidence you might need can be found within the Craigslist's "casual encounters" section, and it's not just a bunch of people proclaiming they will walk 500 miles (or 500 more). These star-crossed, alternative lovers need romantic vacations like everyone else, but they need something more -- something particularly special -- to kindle that spark we were talking about. We're here to explore these idiosyncracies of the human heart for all the couples and potential couples who need a travel destination to explore their feelings. If your idea of a romantic retreat might involve ironing a shirt while hang-gliding at 10,000 feet or a conference of leather and motorcycles, then you might wish to read on. If not, it's still wise to get educated -- you never know till you try.

STAR TREK CRUISE
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, through St. Maarten, St. Thomas, Grand Turk

(source: startrekcruise.com)

Sometimes conventions just aren't enough to bring out your inner Klingon. The folks behind the official Star Trek Cruise know this, and they've equipped their event to ensure love can be found at nearly every corner of their ship. Proud sci-fi couples and bachelors have the opportunity to meet actors behind the characters from all editions of the TV and movie franchises, catch screenings of old episodes and flicks and carouse with like-minded fans. The Caribbean Sea isn't the final frontier and the boat isn't exactly the S.S. Enterprise, but this seems like the closest thing to a proper on-board meat market that a Trekkie can attain.

EXTREME IRONING
Recommended actions: Hang gliding in California, mountain-climbing in Colorado, water skiing in Florida

By design, the word "getaway" means leaving behind the unending, soulless routine of domestic responsibilities. Then there's extreme ironing. Yes, it's a real "sport," and it's helping ho-hum old couples fight their wrinkles in countless ways. Your hubby's Oxford shirt or wife's blouse may not achieve that ideal level of crispness when you're whipping in the wind as you lay your makeshift board upon the arched back of a lover, but that's not exactly the point. For one, your shirts and blouses need a reason to shine at your next dinner party, and extreme ironing is the only way to make plaids patterns appear 3-D. Secondly, it's sort of beautiful in its symbolism for long-term lovers -- it says sure, we're gonna take out the trash and do the dishes for the next fifty years, but you and me, we're gonna make it sexy and extreme every single time.

FANTASYLAND HOTEL
West Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

So much fetish, so little time. Or so say the folks behind the grab-bag themed hotel Fantasyland, who literally bet the house that they can provide any unique fantasy a couple might desire. But we're not talking the sleazy-depraved-type fantasy -- they leave those for the love motels (or the folks listed below this entry). These fantasies err more along the cuddly, historical, and dorky, transplanting you via wallpaper and decor to create your most colorful love scenes. 120 of 355 rooms are equipped with themes. Ever wanted to get cozy in an igloo but can't stand the cold? Thought so. There's even a Jacuzzi! Want love like the Polynesians but can't make the flight overseas (or get a time machine)? "Drift off on a warrior catamaran boat under full sail" or "slip into a giant Jacuzzi surrounded by lava rock, being filled by a gentle waterfall," just like the movies (or Polynesia?). Or you could pick the room with the truck in it. Restrictions: Zilch. Except that they aren't real. There's that.

(photo: West Edmonton Mall, via Flickr)

CARIBBEAN KINKINESS: LEATHER IN ALL WEATHER
Jamaica

Ah, leather. What can't it do? Despite what you might have seen at the Bass Pro Shop, it's practical apparel for a deep-sea fishing trip. In fact, the folks at "Kink in the Caribbean" (linking to their site brings up all sorts of non-work-safe wonderment, so Google at your own risk), the world's island vacation scene for the obscene, high-heeled and pain-loving, would prefer that you wear leather for all types of island activities. Or wear nothing at all, if that's your bag -- clothes are optional pretty much everywhere you go. Whatever happens, couples or singles who attend the seven-night Kink in Jamaica must be more than confident in their own kinkiness or they'll leave with a host of unwanted welts and bruises. The island literally a becomes a wink-wink nudge-nudge "playground," with every dank dark dream encouraged as long as you play "safe." Just make sure you plan your pain threshold accordingly -- this from their site: "Sand can be extremely abrasive on the skin…Jamaican palms are quite often the home of nasty red ants…the sun can get excruciatingly hot." Not just trip advice: Life advice. (photo source: kinkinthecaribbean)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Motorcycle Resort
Western North Carolina

When a travel agent describes something as "thigh-tingling" and "tire-burning," make sure you know what you're getting into. Leather lovers the world over can trek through the Great Smokie Mountains at Mountain Brook Resort for a Harley honeymoon.

Psychic Cruise
Barcelona

If you felt some strong energies that we'd list this, then this might be the cruise for you: ESP, clairvoyance, spirituality from other dimensions, Miss Cleo -- if you feel you maintain a level of consciousness that needs a seven-day reprieve from the "normies" of this planet, you'll find the Sea Angels Cruise through Europe to be quite rewarding to find the swami of your dreams. Take classes to up your craft, have mind-conversations with fellow riders, talk smack about how the world's not ending in 2012 but actually 2034 -- this is romance, people.