Travel & Relationships: Overcoming travel phobia together by Shannon Heibler

 photo credit: San Antonio | Shannon Marie

He loves the mountains, she loves the beach.  A classic romance stereotype, right?  But what if your better half just doesn’t want to go to the mountains or the beach?  What happens when you want to travel to distant shores, but your sweetheart is uninterested in or even afraid to travel?  With an open mind and good ol’ communication, you’ll be honeymooning in no time, near and far.

When I met my fiancé, Ben, I was astonished at everything we had in common: culinary flair, a love of dead languages, and a shared, deep understanding of all things Mel Brooks.  Everything was so perfect, I was surprised to find that he hated traveling, whereas I live to visit new and exciting locations.  Knowing pretty early on that he was the one, I wondered what would happen when I felt the temptation to hop on a plane – after all, Ben made everything better, and I couldn’t imagine journeying anywhere without him.  Luckily, I traveled for my job at the time, and got to scratch that itch for awhile without putting him in an uncomfortable situation.

 photo credit: Plane descends into city | netinho

We had to face the situation head on though when his family planned a summer get together far away from our home in Madison.  As the trip got closer, Ben experienced a growing anxiety about getting on a plane.  What made it even more difficult for him was that he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it.  I was also worried that he would feel like I was pressuring him, so I had almost as hard a time approaching the situation.  Once I assured him that I loved him no matter what, he opened up about it, and we were able to move forward.  He wanted to see his family, but I hated to see him suffering more and more with the trip still weeks away so we started looking at other options to get there.  Taking a train sounded great, but an unfortunate schedule would have taken up over half our trip, so ultimately I volunteered to drive the distance.  My sweetheart is a little prone to motion sickness, so we opted to break up the 16 hour drive with several stops at parks, museums, and kitschy tourist traps.  We also made the drive a little more enjoyable by picking up a few audio books to play.  We kept it fun and light so Ben had nothing to worry about and everything to look forward to.  It made for a great trip and I think in the end, we almost enjoyed the drive more than the stay (though if you love arcades like we do and find yourself in Ocean City, NJ, you can find a rare X-Men 6-player cabinet on the boardwalk!).

For our upcoming honeymoon, Ben still felt a little apprehensive about travel, and lethargic about choosing a destination.  To help him find that same excited feeling that helped him get to New Jersey , I encouraged him to research different places to see if anything really piqued his interest and left the choice completely up to him.  He hit the internet running, visiting blogs, forums, and whereivebeen.com, and started making lists of things he wanted to see.  Not only did he decide on Boston (seafood and history – does it get any better?), but he also created a great jumping off point for the next trips we might take, just from that list of interesting museums and sights to see. 

We’re also using part of our honeymoon to take some time and see our own area as though we were visiting for the first time.  We want to see new places just minutes away we didn’t know existed, try restaurants we wouldn’t normally go to, and enjoy the city we normally just buzz around as we try to get day to day necessities taken care of.  And you know what?  We can’t wait for it.  For instance, we haven’t been to local oddity, The House on the Rock, since we were children and now we can’t wait for that relatively tiny 20 minute drive.

So if you find yourself in this, or a similar, situation, just remember that you can overcome it with ease with each other.  All you have to do is:
    •    Talk about it
    •    Get excited about what you’ll see and do
    •    Be open to all your options
    •    Find destinations you can both enjoy
    •    Travel to your own city
Most importantly, never forget that it’s all about the two of you being together.  Paris was just another city until someone fell in love there.
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The guest post above was written by Shannon Heibler, resident / blogger living in Madison, WI.